my decision to stay at home

Today is a day I’ve had on my calendar for months.  It is the day I was supposed to return to my job.  My job that I loved.  But instead, I’m playing peek-a-boo and encouraging tummy time.  Funny how things change. 

I made a career move last November.  I landed my dream job.  Truthfully, if I could draw up a job in my brain it would be the one I had.  I was working with students and a population that I so dearly love, and the people I got to work with were amazing.  I was on a fantastic team and we were making so much progress in our students’ lives.  Little did I know when I took that job, I was pregnant.  Now I’ve mentioned my miscarriage on here before, so this pregnancy was a biiiig surprise.  The best kind of surprise – but still a surprise.  Fast forward to a few months and I suddenly had to deal with the maternity leave paper work, blah blah.  I mean, I was going back to work.  Why wouldn’t I?  I loved my job. 

So I had everything in order to go back to work November 13, 2013.  Then July 30, 2013 happened.  And my baby girl was born.  I still thought I would go back to work after that.  I mean I immediately started pumping to store up milk for G when I went back.  To be honest, I didn’t give too much thought to staying home until her 2 month birthday.  That’s when it kinda hit me.  That I only had a few more precious weeks of staying at home.  For some moms, staying at home is their dream, and for others, they need to work – for financial and personal reasons.  I wasn’t really sure where I fell into that category.  And I’m still not sure I fall in either category at all.  Maybe I’m somewhere in the middle?  But what I do know is my heart changed when I realized this day was getting closer.  My heart longed to be home right now.  Honestly, I was somewhat surprised.  As I said before, I absolutely LOVED my job.  And it was super risky of me to give up such a position.  Questions were racing through my mind and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t pop up every now and then – will I ever find a job that I love like that again?  How could I leave a job after only being there a few months?  What will my co-workers think?  Am I throwing in the towel?  Should I go back for a little while and then make a decision?  And to be honest I don’t have answers to a lot of them. 

But even still, I felt the pull on my heart.  So Matt and I sat down, realistically looked at our options and prayed.  I am so grateful that we concluded that I could stay home for right now.  So it’s official.  I am a stay-at-home-mommy for the time being.  And I never want to take it for granted.  As hard as it was to walk away from such a great opportunity I am doing what I’m supposed to do what now.  And it feels good.  Good to know this was a decision that came with so much thought and prayer.  And so grateful for the support from my family, especially my husband - because this stay at home mommy thing - well it's the hardest job I've ever done.  The most rewarding - but still the hardest.  I'm still trying to find my groove if you will.  G and I have started really working on a "routine" and we are learning to manage our time better.  

So there it is - a lot has been going on over here to say the least.  Thank you for listening sweet friends!

Oh and more about being a stay at home mommy and finding happiness on Friday.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you can check out my guest post on the lovely Chloe's blog - Beyond Blessed.

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